HAPPY CONTINUATION DAY

Happy Continuation Day

Do you ever imagine yourself moving away to a place you've never been before, where no one knows you and you can do that thing that most people call "starting over?"  I do.  Someone told me about a Human Resources Director job in Springfield, Oregon, even though I am retired from all that.  But that random message led to me looking at little houses for sale in Springfield, Oregon.  Maybe I should move there.  All of this happened on a day I thought was already planned out -- and my plans didn't include an item called "where else can I go to be whatever it is I want to be". Do random and distracting adventures of the mind descend upon me out of nowhere, for no reason?  Does this happen to other people?  Somewhere out there someone is probably conducting a scientific survey about that. 

Prince died unexpectedly this week, reminding everyone that anything can happen to anyone, at any time.  He had a talent for worshiping the uniqueness of everyone by being so obviously one-of-a-kind, out loud, in a musical way that could transport the listener.  He invented.  He presented.  We are reminded that something new is possible when we think about the life of Prince. 

Like some who are reading now, I lost my life when my husband died.  He was my known universe.  It took a very long time to begin again.  I have no idea how long it will take for me to feel that I am doing and being and living a life that perfectly fits.  I'm still a work in progress.  Somehow it sooths the pain I feel -- my never ending grief, that shadow always following me -- to believe that if I want to start over again, it is available to me.  I guess that's where the Springfield thing cropped up.

It was also my birthday this week, and I celebrated.  I'm sixty-one.  If I stand on a continuum, such as a yardstick, numbering one to eighty-five, I will stand at sixty-one now.  Not a whole lot of my continuum lies ahead of me when compared with the length I have already traveled.  I had better get busy making sure I use what's left in the very best way.  I feel less inclined to lollygag, standing at sixty-one.  I want to get busy doing and being something I have always yearned for, but never dared. 

Thinking about that, I feel like I would waste a lot of time packing, selling, buying, moving, sorting, exploring and settling into Springfield, Oregon, that random place that momentarily represented an escape route.  I've decided to stay put for now, and remember that anything is possible, standing right here.  On Sixty-one.  In Edmonds, Washington.  Just because people know me here doesn't mean I can't be something new, if that's what I want.

About death and birthdays, I was reading from a website that is written by Buddhists, and the writer made the point that when a cloud dies, it is also the birth of rain.  That's sort of how I feel about having a birthday and feeling jarred by the death of Prince, all at the same time.  I do feel certain that there is a continuation going on...pain, creating, suffering, innovation, feeling settled in, feeling like ripping out and starting over.  It's all part of the same thing.  Thinking about these things closes the gap between me and Ted. 

Happy Continuation Day, to me. 

Happy Continuation