WRESTLING WITH HAPPINESS

Genuine Flourishing

Since becoming a widow seven years ago, I've fought for nothing more vigorously at times than my right to be unhappy.  It feels right to be unhappy when you are the earthly survivor of a loving, long-term marriage that wasn't supposed to ever come to an end for just one of you.  Along the way, I've had to revise my stubborn attachment to misery as a badge of loyalty to Ted, my beloved.

Matthieu Ricardd

In fact, I've done a lot of investigation into happiness because I resented it when it crept up on me.  How can I possibly be happy if I don't want to be happy?  Among my readings, I found one guy in particular that I resonated completely with....he taught me what happiness really is, and why I should pursue it, whether I want to or not.  His name is Matthieu Ricard.  

He's a French-born, Tibetan Buddhist, scientist and monk who is the Dali Lama's French interpreter.  Consequently, he hasn't been a guest in my house or anything, so I've studied his writings from afar.  His definition of happiness is "genuine flourishing" -- not a pleasurable sensation or mood but a way of being in the world that encompasses the fullness of human experience, joy and pleasure as well as suffering and loss. 

I don't have to try to be happy.  I want to pursue this genuine flourishing thing because I get to respect, hold onto, cherish even, my loss of Ted as my life mate, husband and friend.  I want to pursue happiness so long as it is Ricard's brand.

It's hard to have a conversation about pursuing happiness without thinking about constitutional law.  I mean, it's my right to pursue happiness as an American, and I hope it always will be.  But within the framework of this technical, legal right, what does it really mean?  I kept on reading, researching that pragmatic angle.  I found the article I've posted here reassuring.  I can pursue happiness without feeling cheap or hedonistic about it, because, according to this 2013 Huffington article, all lasting happiness comes from nurturing relationships.  And it didn't rule out that those relationships might simply be limited to a close circle of family, true friends, and dogs.  OK, it didn't say dogs, but I maintain my American right to pursue my dog happiness.  That, I've never been squeamish about.

Why Widows and Others Should Pursue Happiness