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| Now freestyle rap, baby |
When I became a widow, I developed a deep respect for the freestyle rappers of the world. Freestyle rappers take random elements of life and plumb to the surface some deep connections, and they find meaning and purpose there, and they put it out there. That's what I think a widow has to do when she is ready to begin a new life. I know that Ted's death changed me, and I became a freestyle grief rapper.
Contemporary example of freestyle rapper:
Contemporary Freestyle Rapper
Disclaimer: I'm one of those widows who has discovered -- literally discovered -- meaning: wasn't told, wasn't prayed over, wasn't indoctrinated or baptized into thinking a certain way -- I mean a discovery as in got in a ship and sailed to uncharted territory to find my personal truth:
Death is not the end.
Ted is everywhere.
Call it "in another room".
Call it heaven or the afterlife.
Ted is. And not just as a memory.
And speaking of conversing with Ted anytime I want:
I am one of those widows who has discovered that I can call upon Ted, call out to Ted, place a call to Ted. He is available to me. And it's a two-way conversation, every time. If I thought Ted was missing anything, I couldn't stay here. I couldn't love. I couldn't write. I couldn't take care of or laugh with my dogs, my friends, my neighbors. Ted isn't missing anything -- he is showing me every day something new about life. I have new eyes....his and mine, maybe. I don't know how it works, but it works.
And no where, no where, NO WHERE is Ted more HERE with me than in the natural world. For every widow, there is something. If not natural world, fashion world. Maybe cars. Something.
That is a major widow lesson. I learn it every day. Who turns on the sunlight and grows flowers and sustains cliffs and oceans and beetles and dogs and elephants? Because I want to say THANK YOU and I want to soak it up and be nourished by it. I want to protect it.
The how-to takeaway from my blog today:
- You aren't predominantly numb anymore from initial grief and you have started to feel a yearning for a way to move forward and not leave your loved one behind. You are now ready to freestyle rap your best life.
- You make a list of simple, basic objects of your affection. Example: A woman has amnesia, gets off a bus in New York City, finds a therapist, therapist says to name one thing she knows she loves: Chocolate. She gets a job in a chocolate store, opens a chocolate store of her own, becomes a master chocolatier. She still has amnesia, but now she knows who she is. True story.
- You start jamming your list.
- My list today includes the natural world, dogs, helping others, feeling appreciated, feeling loved, adding value, my children, my grandchildren, theater, writing, making art, gardening, photography, music. Please note that some things will fall off your list. Some new things will come onto your list. But, start a list. You have to have your first list to get anywhere.
- Jamming means, put what you love together until you feel balanced. Stir it up. It means that what you are doing conveys an authentic message to the world: I AM HERE. TODAY. THIS IS WHO I AM.
- Get rid of granite, cement, and other unyielding surfaces of the mind about yourself, the world, and what you love. You are now liquid. Fluid. Shifting. But, you are strong as a river.
- Repeat number 6 until you feel it. Get it. Want more. Feel good.
- Take "pleasing others" off your list. I have to do this on a daily basis. Caveat: A lot of what I do to help others, does please them. However, I love helping. The pleasing is none of my business, really. That's on the other person. Let it go.
The natural world may not do for you what it does for me. You'll find your groove. But, among other loves, the natural world heals me every single day of my life as a widow. For one thing, it's my fiber optic connection to where Ted dwells these days. This morning, I got up and started writing this blog. I flipped through my notes (I-Phone app and random stickies) at all the blogs I love to visit. I closed my eyes and picked one at random. Here it is:
Did you love that blog? Start there.
Did you hate that blog? What's the opposite of that? Start there.
Please use the comment section of my blog to share with others who grieve what works for you.
The Widow Lessons: Available on Amazon-book or kindle
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