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| Tame My World Please. |
Weirdly good news: Because of aging America and the various gulf wars which produced many living but disabled vets, the world of mechanical devices has gone through a technology revolution. It doesn't take the muscle it once did to mow the world.
When Ted was truly ill and near the end of his life, I thought nothing of bringing in hired help, if friends and neighbors hadn't already stepped quietly in and handled the chore. But hiring help and relying on the kindness of others doesn't work for every widow who may be alone for decades to come. For some, leaning on adult children and/or friends and neighbors who have a talent for gears and muscling may work for a long-term solution. I'm too independent, frugal, and stubborn for that, so I floundered, flailed, failed and felt defeated a lot, for years.
For example, I found out the hard way that gas has to be drained at the end of "the season," or it ruins something called the carburetor. That might be the wrong machine body part I just named there, but a major organ in the lawn mower, weed whacker, leaf/snow blower, edger, and so forth will fail if you don't drain the gas tank. Even gas in the gas can goes bad. We can send pictures through cyberspace but our gas can't wait a few months? Then there is the sheer shoulder power for pulling the cords to get the engine going. I do not cotton to working that hard for equipment....it's supposed to be the other way around. I bought a Ryobi set of battery powered tools. I bought new big equipment such as mower, weed whacker, etc. with an electric start. I've still got the overwintering gasoline problem, but at least I can start the dang things.
After I replaced all my gas-powered hand tools with battery power from Ryobi, I discovered that my hands were too small to depress both sides of the battery for removal and recharging. I mounted a screwdriver onto a workbench, and used it as a substitute for a wider hand. I nearly impaled myself because metal slips on plastic. I switched from Ryobi to Black and Decker, only to discover that I needed 18v versus 12v to get my work done. I wound up with:
- Black and Decker blower, weed whacker, both 18v.
- I got a kit from DeWalt that includes a reciprocal saw, drill and screwdriver, flashlight, circular saw and a set of bits -- all also 18v.
- My lawn mower is TroyBilt with electric start and power mow assist. My advice is to get spare chargers for everything.
- All I can say about my mental status through all of this is that I had a few choice words for Ted. "Thank you for everything you did. Could you come back and keep on doing it?"
I still don't enjoy weed whacking. In fact, I'm in love with landscaping fabric, wood chips and even flagstone at the moment -- any thing that can create a hardscape.
It's been an unwelcomed but inescapable journey for me to figure out how to handle the aspects of my physical world that Ted used to handle. I did figure it out. Strikethrough "did" and just say I am figuring it out. And it is changing me.
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| Thanks for the insight, P.J. |
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." P. J. O'Rourke
The how-to takeaway from my blog today:
- My most important tip: Learning to do for yourself is not "getting over and moving on." There is no such thing, in my experience. It's learning, choosing, and designing a life when the one you already built doesn't exist anymore. You aren't "getting over" anything -- other than indecision about how to proceed.
- Did your love do certain tasks that you would much rather not know how to do? Write those down. How about he used to do it, and you are mildly interested in learning? Write those things down.
- For the first category (no interest in it), you'll have to determine what options you have. They may include: Give it up completely. Look into hiring it out. Go to the hardware store and ask for help finding battery powered, power assist and other technologies that may replace your late husband's to-do list. Some women chose to move from single family dwelling to condo. Problem solved. Your solution will be unique to you.
- For the second category (interested), take your list to the aforementioned hardware store and ask someone to help you find equipment that is a good match for your physical status. I admit that once I figured out what kind of battery powered equipment I needed, I found some pleasure in performing most physical world maintenance tasks. Not as sexy as a Mercedes-Benz, mind you.
- Now that you are on step five, it's time to take an inventory of the time it takes you to handle both your to-do list and your late husband's to-do list. Is it too much? What can you do to "kill your darlings," as Stephen King talks about in his memoir on writing. As I mentioned, I am currently killing some of my lawn that doesn't serve a purpose. Bark and Flagstones are my two new best buds.
- Use 2-5 above as a mechanical way to become aware of some quality of life and life design components that are important to someone having to start a new life when the preferred previous one is gone. For example: Perhaps you will take in a boarder to make ends meet, and now know you are looking for someone to also do some of the heavy lifting.
- I know several widows who married "too soon," in their words, in order to get rid of the muscle work as fast as possible. If you follow my blog, you know how I think on that one. Getting married is for someone who wants to build a life with someone they love and can't imagine living without.
- You will notice changes in yourself with this process. Not only will you discover what you like and what you dislike, but you'll notice that the physical world is in 3-D and instructions are in print. You may or may not have the translation for that in your head. I don't. I have changed in many ways, but one of them is cruising U-tube a lot for 3-D instructions to my 3-D problems. I am slowly acquiring deep memory about tools and equipment -- almost like I took shop in school. I wish I had, but back then, boys were offered that kind of wisdom. Girls were taught how to cook and sew. I am happy that I live in a country that has evolved a bit on that score, and a future with even more just changes. I hope.
- There are too many resources to list on this blog. But start here: Senior Center in the largest community near you. Counselors. Churches. AARP website and organization. If you are age-qualified to join AARP, I recommend you do it. These resources often help you find contractors at a reasonable cost who are licensed and bonded. It's better than throwing a dart at a newspaper ad, or an on-line list of contractors.
- Your local hardware store, such as ACE and True Value, will usually have an owner/operator with a vast amount of local experience. I like to go there for advice. The specials they run often beat the big box stores on certain items. The advice is free. They usually have a senior discount day too, if you qualify.
- Here are some of those endless on-line resources that helped me:
These are a few sites to get you started on using power tools and not getting scammed when you hire help for projects your sweetheart used to do. From there, dive into U-tube and watch videos of whatever your project may be.
Or, move into a condo or apartment. It's all up to you.
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