A PARADISE IN MY LAP

Enough

A lot of people think you have to die to get to a better place.  That may be true.  I also am discovering that there is a lot going on around me now that I can decide to focus on and I can experience a kind of paradise, here and now.  Sometimes, I have to face that perhaps I don't want to be in paradise without Ted.  Then, I finally remember that if I focus and pay very close attention, Ted can be there with me too.  I have another dog that I adopted a year ago.  His name is Oliver.  He's a black and white Shih Tzu with an underbite.  For some reason he was abandoned at six or seven years old...or he got lost.  Who knows?  But he survived on the streets of San Diego, then in a no-kill shelter, and then he was adopted by me.  When I have a guest in my home -- usually a family member -- Oliver cozies up to one of us and just watches and listens.  Sometimes if I am observant, I have one of those moments in which I realize I am in a sort of paradise. I can feel the grace that I'm pretty sure was put there by my creator, bringing me intense, personal satisfaction and a sense that I have everything that I need.  It's hard at times to feel that all my needs will be met.  I don't have that much money, now that I'm retired.  I'm not "making money" anymore -- and that is anxiety provoking.  Really?  I was making money?  Am I sure I wasn't exchanging pieces of my little paradise for money -- more money than I really needed to have enough?   Now, retired, I have the time to focus on other things besides performance and achievement in the workplace.  My obligations take less time commitments.  I can focus on things like my lungs working.  My feet working.  My dog on my lap, listening.  I can focus on the feeling that creeps up on me that I am experiencing paradise in this moment.  I have everything I need at my fingertips.  I can stay home, or I can go out and try to bring paradise to others with food, shelter, a reassurance that someone cares.  I don't think I have to wait to experience a better world, or even paradise.  I have what I need to create a better world here and now, for myself and others.  It is true that there are little altars everywhere.  Ted, where are you?  I am here, he responds.  There is more I want you to know, but you can find me here.  If I say that with my eyes closed, then open my eyes, I am here.