I KNOW YOU ARE THERE

I know you are there.

I wonder what it is like for Ted, who has died and is progressing wherever he is.  I wonder if he has limited amounts of time where he is.  I can tell that he hears me, knows me, loves me and wants me to feel loveable.  More than that, I know that he wants me to feel that I'm enough, and that there is enough of me to go around including time -- provided I'm choosy about certain things.  I have to be choosy about who I hang out with.  By choosy I mean careful.  Thoughtful.  There is a finite amount of me, of my time and other resources.  I only want to be around people who love me, understand me, need me in their life as much as I need them.  That's really all I have time for.  Yesterday, I had the honor of being guest for a waterside lunch in Edmonds with Dale and Susan, my dear friends.  We've known each other for a quarter century, in good times and sorrow, with keen minds and when one of us was confused or feeling lost.  I've never felt anything but love and support from these friends, and I am so grateful for the lunch yesterday, and the opportunity to share some stories, memories, laughs with them.  I wondered if Ted was with us in spirit, and I didn't get a strong sense that he was.  After the lunch, I came home and readied my house for Ewan, my two-year-old grandson who was coming over for an afternoon and evening with his Nana, and a sleepover.  I was keenly aware during this time with Ewan that Ted was indeed with us.  Ewan of course is non-judgmental about how much money I have, how many months I have left to pay on my car, what I plan to do about the ever-growing vet bill, how much I weigh at the moment....Ewan only cares about this moment with his Nana, and the true interest I have in his being.  He announces things like Mickey Mouse appearing on my TV set the way I would announce Ted if I saw him standing before me.  When he sees Mickey, Ewan is delighted!  Amazed!  It's a miracle! That's how much enthusiasm Ewan has for the appearance of someone he loves.  Ewan knows that Mickey is always around, even though he may not be present.  He has the faith of a child.  Or maybe it's wisdom.  I am grateful to have the wisdom to know that Ted is around, too.  I want to see Ted, and in the midst of my yesterday, I got to see him.  Ewan came over to me to tell me something important.  He had to tell it directly to me and then give me a hug when I asked for one.  In that face and in that moment, I was able to see Ted just as plainly as I ever did.  I think it's important to think long and hard about who we let close up....it has to be people who love us, understand us, accept us without judgement I think.  A beloved child, a good friend, a life partner who has died.  These are worth what little time I have.  As for the vet bill.....I love my dogs and have lived with dogs my entire life.  Somehow, I will find a way to pay the vet bill for Miss Kitty, who the vet believes needs surgery based on xrays of her knees.  I also think she may be having short seizures periodically, so that's a new challenge.  It costs a lot of money sometimes to love a pure hearted creature in distress.  But money is something that can be made, saved, begged, borrowed.  But not time.  I only have a finite amount of time .... just enough, in fact, to love and be loved by a select few. 


I hope you enjoy the following video of someone who is loving and being loved!

http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/animals/giraffe-birth-caught-on-camera-at-zoo-in-australia/vi-AAgEtSd?ocid=edgsp